The State (fast food)

The blowdart is the best!

The State (father son race)

Hahahaha! “Let’s get it on, mother!”

The State - The Barry Lutz Show (Monkey Torture)

The State was one of the best sketch comedy shows ever. I think I was about 13 or 14 when I watched it and it’s really hard to find. This was one of my favs.

Screw you, McDonald’s

So yesterday, I left my house about 15 mins. earlier than usual for work because I reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaallllllyyyy wanted McDonald’s breakfast. I was starving and practically drooling thinking about a Deluxe B-fast: eggs, sausage, biscuit, pancakes and hash browns. Sweet. Actually, I don’t eat the pancakes, but whatever.

 Here was my dillema: drive north to a Mickey D’s that’s about 5 minutes away from my home or go to the one near my work, which is about 20 mins. south of my house. I HATE going in the opposite direction, even if it makes more sense, so I was like, OK, I’ll just make it to the one near work. I’m not going north when I need to go south.

I pulled up to the drive-thru at 10:33 am. 3 minutes after b-fast ends, but they usuall give you extra time. They still had the menu out, so I was like “YESSSS!!! I am ready to eat!” The chick took my order, gave me my total and I was all happy and proud of myself for not getting a speeding ticket….and then I pulled up to the window and she said the words that were about to ruin my day:

“I’m sorry, we’re out of breakfast. Do you still want your diet?” WHAT? HELL NO I DON’T WANT THE DIET!!! I was so mad, seriously, I almost started to cry. Then I was like, why am I crying over food? Well, Russo and I had a huge fight the night before, so I’m sure that had something to do with it. I had to settle for Taco Bell. Who the heck wants tacos at 10:35 in the morning? Not me! But I ate my two soft-shell taco supremes and drank my frickin’ diet pepsi and went to work with a full stomach, at least. McDonald’s needs to have breakfast until 11. No, you know what? 12! I’m so writing a letter.

So what?

I love Spongebob. Really, I do. I don’t know when it happened, because when Yesenia was about 2 (4 years ago) it was all over the place and I hated it and thought it was obnoxious, but now? LOVE IT! I’ll stop what I’m doing, sit down and watch it with the girls. And I’ll laugh. A lot. Especially at Patrick.

What’s that? You’ve never watched it? Well, it’s pretty much on all the time on Nickelodeon, so next time you see it, check it out! Of course, if you don’t have kids, it might help if you’re drunk or stoned or on some type of hallucinogenic drugs.

Is it wrong?

I’m going to be very honest right now. No, I’m serious. Really, really honest. Maybe I feel like I can be because there’s like, 4 of you that know this blog exists.

I’m going to ask you a question, and please, give me your feedback.

I’ve been married for, oh, almost 7 years. It’s been a really rocky relationship (as some of you know). Is it wrong to think about other people when you’re married? Not, like, with any intentions or anything, just thinking. Like, thinking of HOW HOT THEY ARE ALL THE TIME?!? Oh my god, there’s this guy at work, let’s call him Matt* (Matt* being his real name, lol!) he’s actually the pasta chef at my restaurant. I’ve never seen a more attractive guy. Ok, that’s a stretch, Brad Pitt is pretty incredible, but you know what I mean. He and his twin, Mike, both work with me, yet somehow Mike is not hot at all. WTF? I guess it’s all about the personality.

Anyway, he is just an awesome guy all around: funny, polite, sweet, and did I mention he’s FREAKIN GORGEOUS?!? Turns out every girl that starts to work eventually develops a crush on him. Well, I’ve been there for 2 months and guess what? Crush isn’t goin away! And, yeah, I’m married and there’s nothing I could or would do about it, but still, it kind of bothers me that I think about him all the time. I shouldn’t. I mean, a little fantasy here and there is pretty normal, but I find that I spend more time doing my hair or makeup if I know he’s gonna be there and that’s wrong, isn’t it? Yeah, it is.

Hopefully this will just pass. I really need to see him doing something stupid so he won’t be so cute anymore. He needs to slip and fall in a pile of crap or something! Ha! You know what? I don’t think it would make a difference. Anyway, he’ll be in San Francisco for 2 weeks on vacation,  so maybe it’ll give me some time to get over this. Sheesh!

Soooo tired

I started this blog so I could write about something other than my 4-legged-kids dogs, but here I am getting ready to bitch about them again. Well, I shouldn’t say “them”. Suki is fine. She’s great, actually. I never realized what an easy dog she is before Joey came along. And it’s so weird, because he’s such a big, fat mellow pug, yet he has these quirks that’s making my life hell.

Do you know what he did at exactly 6:55 this morning? He started screaming when the alarm went off. Yes, I said screaming. Since those of you that are reading this have already heard it on Suki’s blog, you know what I’m talking about. So I wake up in a panic when the alarm goes off because I know he’s gonna go crazy and bark and squeal and wake up Russo and Ava and Russo’s gonna be pissed off and that’s just not a great way to start the day, ya know?

And it used to be when it was just Suki that when I would leave the house for a couple of hours, she would be fine when we came home. No jumping, no barking, just a little happy trotting around the living room, waiting to be petted. Now? You guessed it. Now she likes to join in with Joey and howl and bark for a long time, as though we’d been away for days. I can’t take it.

What do I do? Other than the squealing and barking and scratching really hard at the back of my legs, he’s perfect. Should I just deal with his quirks? Scolding him doesn’t do any good, he just keeps right on screaming, so I’m kind of at a loss right now. Suki loves his company, and I love him, too, and I would feel really bad about giving him back to rescue because I think it would be really hard on him, but, damn! It’s hard on me right now, too! Aaaghhhhh!!!!

Step it up, Slim fast!

Whoever said that this stuff fills you up is on crack. I don’t know how it works, but somehow drinking one of these awesome shakes actually makes me MORE hungry. Huh?

Like this morning…the kids were eating those sweet Chocolate and Vanilla Rice Crispies, and I was just getting ready to pour a nice bowl for myself when I thought twice and grabbed a shake instead. Not that I need to lose a lot of weight or anything - I’m 3 lbs short of my pre-pregnancy weight, which, if you’re keeping track, was 7 YEARS AGO - but still, every calorie counts.

So I drank it, thinking that my desire for the rice krispies would go away, when in fact I WANTED IT EVEN MORE! I resisted the temptation, but it made me think, do they put something in there that’s an appetite stimulant so you’ll drink twice the shakes you’re supposed to and therefore buy more than you should? Hmmmmm….tricky.

Headbands

I have this thing with headbands, I don’t know what it is. I always buy them and never wear them. The only thing I can think is that it has something to do with the fact that I always wanted them as a child and my Mom always said they weren’t “flattering”,  so it must be some kind of subconscious thing.

I bought some while I was shopping at Target today - where else do I shop? - and I’m going to force myself to wear them. They’re the skinny kind, the kind I like, and one is black satin and the other is burgundy. The thing is, since I work in a restaurant, I have to have my hair back and I’m not sure if it will look good with a ponytail. My brother’s ex-girlfriend works with me and she does and and it looks good, sooooo….it should work for me, too, right?

 

I would like to point out that this headband costs $88. $88!!! WTF?!? Who the hell would spend that kind of money on something like this?! I mean, I could get my teeth cleaned at the dentist for less than this, and although going to the dentist pretty much blows, I kind of need to. So screw you, hair accessories! You’re not going to entice me…I’m going to spend my hard-earned cash on something that matters. Yeah, whatever, I’ll probably just blow it all on dog treats, who am I fooling?

Finally!

No dogs allowed. Seriously. I am soooo tired of blogging from my dogs’ point of view, I can’t stand it anymore! Not that I want to delete the other blog or anything, it’s just, well, how many things can I think to write about that have to do with treats, butt-sniffing, playing tug-of war and kibble?!

And getting away from Blogger is pretty cool, too. I’ve often thought about switching to WordPress or something else, so here I am.

Dammit. I just bit my nails off. I’ve been so good, I haven’t been biting my nails for 2 whole months, now, and they were getting really long and were actually growing past my fingertips, but soon I realized that I couldn’t feel anything with my fingertips anymore, and typing was hard, and I was constantly cleaning crap out from under my nails and I really hate all of that! So I bit them down pretty low. They’re not as short as they have been - I’ve been biting my nails since I was a little girl - but they’re not exactly pretty. Dammit.

Ahhhh….the girls are fighting again. Can you guess what it’s about? Candy corn. That’s right. Candy corn. Ava won’t share the bag, and Yesenia is pulling it away from her. I guess this is where I’m supposed to intervene. I am the parent, after all, but I just don’t feel like it. It’s exhausting. Is it wrong to say some days - ok, most days - I don’t feel like being a Mom? I mean, I’m no Britney Spears or anything, I just want to have my own life and buy stuff for myself and not listen to screaming all day. Ok, I feel terrible for saying that. I love my daughters more than anything in this world and would die for them in a heartbeat, but today I wish I could put them in the closet with the bag of candy corn and let them battle it out while I read up on the latest celebrity gossip in a soundproof room. Sweet.